how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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