I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
