masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize