I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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