is your mom at the bar?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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