How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
