Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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