think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
