Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
