Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
