And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
We need to rekindle our bromance
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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