I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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