I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
