1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
