Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
