READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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