Are we in a gay sports bar?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
