so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize