Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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