so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
