awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
