i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
