I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
