Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
