maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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