Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
