he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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