Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
