Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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