I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
