There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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