Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
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Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
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I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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