the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
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I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
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i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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