She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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