Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
sarcasm needs its own font
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
