If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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