I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She told me I should be a condom model.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
