I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
