Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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