I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
