i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
What drink are we having for lunch?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
