party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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