I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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