2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
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