Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
