He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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