That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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