Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
