last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
