i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize