who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
