just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
