I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
