yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
