All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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