It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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