I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
