Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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