sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
