Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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