Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
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the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
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I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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