I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
