Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
