Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
