I feel like I'm in dance class right now
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
