Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
