He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
This toilet bowl is my home.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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