Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
