My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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